Monday, May 24, 2010

In April I noticed I had a lump in my right armpit. I got an appointment with my Dr. and she refered me to a surgeon He ordered a needle Biopsy which was Inconclusive. After a second Biopsy he called and told me that I have Lymphoma a cancer of the Lymphatic system. Today 5/24/10 I saw an Oncologist who told me :

1) I have Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma Grade 1 or 2 (out of 3) which is considered "indolent"

2) The next step is to decide which stage it is. Further tests including a Bone Marrow Biopsy and a PET Scan. are needed to decide a course of treatment.

For more information go to these web pages:
http://www.webmd.com/cancer/non-hodgkins-lymphoma/understanding-non-hodgkins-lymphoma-basics

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/lymphoma/AN01209

Monday, May 17, 2010

Clumsy

Clumsy
All my life I have been labeled as being "clumsy." My Mother (the family historian) told me and the family that I "fell off my father's knee" when I was 6 month's old. As if I could do anything but be clumsy at 6 mo's old. Later when I was 4, I allegedly "fell off my tricycle" (she got a lot of chuckles with that one.) Under hypnotic therapy, I "remembered" the incident as a car pulling out of a driveway quickly and me sliding off my bike to avoid the car. After my hypnotic sessions I no longer believed my mother. I know that I have my share of balance problems, especially now that I am getting older and have Peripheral Neurophy. And do not consider my self clumsy.

Good Boy vs Bad Boy

I have found the little boy in me . The one who needs permission and approval. The one who still believes that being the Good Boy will bring me rewards and success. Of course as soon as I discovered Good Boy, I also discovered Bad Boy. who only wants to do what He wants to do and to Hell with what other people want (especially what they want from me.) Of course these are classic Perlsian Archtypes Top Dog vs Under Dog. Through most of my life the Good Boy has predominated, with the Bad Boy popping out usually in a passive-aggressive manner. Hopefully I can integrate the 2 and decide what I want irrespective of what others say, what approval they give or don't give.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Lifelong Lie

For many years I lhave denied that the many moves have had any effect.


In truth My many moves have left me feeling like a newcomer all the time. I feel that I don't know the rules and that others know all there is to know and won't tell me. "they" are out there having fun and celebrating because they know the the situation and each other. "They" are just waiting for me to screw up (which I do often enough) so "they" can laugh at me (behind my back of course) and critize me. Welcome to my private paranoid world.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Today in the Universe

Today is the anniversary of My late wife Pamela's death.

I have been feeling sad since yesterday.


Some say "passed"

I know she passed from this life on this planet.

But nobody knows where she passed to.


Many who knew her say that she passed to "Heaven" because she was a beautiful person who showered warmth, friendship, love and support where ever she went.


Our few fundamentalist friends are sure she is in hell because, not only did she not belong tp their church, she didn't believe in any religion or even in God. Yet she was a fundamentally good person.


Others just cherish their memories of her and all the wonderful things she did, and the greatness she radiated.


Me? I believe in reincarnation. I just hope she returned (or passed on to another planet) as someone who won't suffer her physical problems or limitations. The Buddhists believe that souls return to this world to meet different challenges than their past life. Pamela had enough physical suffering in this life.


The Universe is infinately vast and there are lot's of places for spirits to find a place for themselves. In Pamela's case, my hope is that she finds place where she can still spread joy and love without physical limitations.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

The Hollow Man

One time in group with Natlie, I had a guided vision that I was working in and from my head. I left the controls and went to the hatch in the floor and went down the ladder in my neck. When I got to the bottom of the ladder my body was empty except for a minimal skeleton. hanging from a rib, I saw my heart swinging. I knew that even though I knew that I was a Hollow Man I had the capacity to love with all my heart.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Age of Emotion/Age of Reason: A History Lesson

Some people are surprised by the amount of political heat/hatred that comes out these days. I am not surprised because I have said for a few years now that we have moved from the Age of Reason, in which rational men disagree and debate issues; to an Age of Emotion where disagreement is tantamount to personal challenge and the response is frequently rage. Rage, hatred, violence and other extreme emotions play well on our national media of Television and everyone wants a share of TV power.

The Information Revolution has given rise to so much noise i.e.. competing messages, sales pitches spam etc. that there has been an increase in extreme behavior to attempt to break through the noise and get peopleƂ’s message out. Thus extremism gains media attention and exposure

Logic and reason are legacies of the literacy. When you read something you have the time and opportunity to think about what you have read and make up your mind about it. Not everyone takes this time to be reflective and reasonable of course. There have been many provocateurs who use the written word to reach the emotions of their audience. However, the medium of literacy and written word does lend itself much more to reasonable feedback and dialogue than the audio and visual media of the of radio and television. Both audio and visual input tend to bypass the logical left brain and appeal to the highly emotional right brain.

More and more people admit that they "don't read" what they usually mean is that they don't read anything beyond what their jobs/training require. They don't take in their information about what is happening in the broader world by reading either daily newspapers or weekly newsmagazines.

These people freely confess to getting their information about the world from TV and or radio talk shows while driving to and from work. Both of these media are very poor conduits of factual information. Very few people can remember "facts" that they saw on TV for only a few seconds or recall accurately the sound bite they head on the radio. What does linger for these post-literate is the "feeling" component of the message or their emotional feeling reaction to the information.

More and more insinuation and innuendo are becoming the way to media and political attention and power.
// posted by Patrick @ 4:23 PM
Friday, October 03, 2003
Truth depends on the questions you ask.

The Great California Recall of 2003 is the first major electoral test of the 21st century, and it is showing the defining power of the public opinion poll and the news power of the entertainment media.

The media pundits have become so dependent on public opinion polls that they have no other touchstone to judge popularity of candidates or issues. The media barons have gone so far out on the limb of “fairness” that they report the opinions of the radical, the few or isolated as being equally “legitimate viewpoint.” with the voices of moderation. In fact the voices of the marginal are frequently more compelling, especially on TV where their colorful rhetoric and emotional appeals play well to the camera and an audience with a voracious appetite for diversion.

The media “experts” mainly at the operations level, have become poll junkies, anointing the polls with the wisdom of objective numbers.

In the media’s rush for electoral factoids and accurate sounding numbers, they ignore that the “truth” of any poll depends on the questions asked by the pollsters. The agreement of a variety of polls is based on asking the same questions.

For example, if a pollster asks; would you (or will you) vote for Candidate A or Candidate B, the question ignores the existence of Candidates C, D, E, F, etc. Anyone who has studied polling or statistics, knows that the more options the respondent has, the messier the results become. If a respondent does have the temerity to answer Candidate C, the pollsters toss out the answer as being a “statistical anomaly.” If you offer forced choice among 2 or 3 candidates or opinions or views, then you get clean results. As soon as you toss in more choices the numbers begin splintering and the picture (and thus the story) becomes more and more clouded.

A cloudy story with no clear lead, headline or sound bite, makes for a confused media. If the media sees itself as being confused, they fear that the public will turn away from their leadership and the media will lose power, prestige, readers/viewers and sponsors/advertisers.

Most people already admit that they get their view of the world , ie “news” from TV which is very good at presenting highly emotional stories and very poor at presenting facts and figures. The more people rely on the emotionalism of TV, the more susceptible they are to the kind of simplistic emotional appeal of an Arnold.

Reversing the Game

There are complaints among the media that the leading candidate Arnold Schwartznegger is ignoring the traditional news media and taking his message directly to the people via the entertofnment side ot the media. The traditional news mavens complain is that he is ignoring the “difficult” questions that the news reporters allegedly ask and only responding to the “softball” questions that the entertainment reporters are asking. The forth estate of the news is being upstaged by the new fifth estate of entertainment.

The news media have nobody but themselves to blame for their situation, for they have created Arnold to sell papers and TV news shows.